So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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