smell my finger.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
