I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
