You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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