Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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