He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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