We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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