4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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