Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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