I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize