I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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