I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
