I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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