Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
