actually, I'm a sock model
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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