True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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