I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
