If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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