69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
