I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You ate ashes out of my bong
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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