I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
