he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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