Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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