Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
