why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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