ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
