Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
