I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
