i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
