His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
