So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
