By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
