the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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