his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize