Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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