I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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