literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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