Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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