you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
