I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
