every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
