just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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