You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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