2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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