So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
