she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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