end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
