I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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