Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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