I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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