Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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