What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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