my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
