I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
