you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
