I think I am morally bankrupt
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you win again, gameday.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
