and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
