I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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