Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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