how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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