I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
