i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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