Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
