Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
