It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
