I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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