so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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