I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
