so that wasnt chicken after all
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
