My cat gives me a boner
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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