Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
