Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
