she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
