another moral hangover. fuck.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
