he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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